LoveWorksStill

This year, I was able to spend Thanksgiving with the paternal side of my family.  Though the family is large in number, it actually was just a few cousins who I grew up with until about the age of five, their spouses, and their children.  It had been decades since I spent this much time with them and never overnight.  I didn’t know what to expect aside from the constant self-talk to live in the moment.

Have you ever been in a position where you realized how valued you were by those close to you whether by blood or just by relationship? I found myself thinking on this question for many days as I embraced spending the holiday away from my normal crew and creating new memories. Though I missed what I have always done and who I have always been around, it was evident that this year was needed for my spouse and children.

That evening after eating moist turkey and lemon glazed pound cake, we played this card game called Black Card Revoked. Before you think that all black, brown, or colored people know everything about black culture, let me mention that I was three cards away from that card being taken! Luckily, one of my neighboring cousins beat me to it! His wife would have stayed in the game if she played! Let’s just say she didn’t have a black card to revoke which made him losing his even more hilarious.

Being stripped of my card was not that important to me because I was winning by being able to sit at this rectangular shaped table with so many people who laughed like me, looked like me, sounded like my brother, and were corny and “blond” like me.  It felt like for the first time, I discovered that a puzzle piece of me had been tucked under a rug of many strong memories.  A piece that I didn’t know completed me.  Man……  I needed this.  I needed to see the parts of me that made me feel so awkward around others be displayed by those who have similar blood as me.

My husband and I were reflecting on the many changes of this Thanksgiving as this was the first one without his father as well as the first time no one actually mentioned to him plans for the holiday. Though he wanted his mom to join us, she even decided to do something different. We found ourselves in a position of thankfulness and joy despite of it.

The atmosphere that was created by this small group of cousins reminded me just how far we all have come. Though we all were raised in tightly run ships, our children and lives are the fruit of our different experiences. We managed valiant lives where others would have and actually have given up already. There was no one to impress as some of us are “stunners” while others, like myself, came to “chill” in long socks and belly-giving clothes. We were free to be ourselves regardless of the titles that we carry and never needing to lay them down.

Many people run from the concept of family for various reasons. Trauma has hit the home or someone we love has passed away. But the older I get, the more I find value in learning about the family that I know the least! There are relationships that I have built with people who others say don’t deserve my love. Maybe, but maybe not! It was better for me to be undaunted for the sake of my growth in life. We all have actions that create good and/or bad feelings in the hearts of others. Everyone’s memory of even me will be different based on our interaction, or the lack thereof.

For me, I realized that I was throwing away a part of me that I didn’t know existed in someone else.  It’s true, there is only one you, but there are others who actually carry your tenacity if you just take the time to learn about them.  Live in the moment.  Open up your mind to find the good in others instead of dwelling on the past or living in judgment.  People change more than memories ever will.

I hope that whatever family traditions you embrace from here on out will offer you an opportunity to grow in the acceptance of who you are.  Even more so that you will begin to see why your family is important to know.  So, the next time a family member invites you to a family function that you have been saying no to for many years, just say yes and actually show up.  Don’t conform.  Be who you are so that they can be who they are.  There is beauty in your differences. 

Until next time, #loveworkswhenourwordsdont! 💚

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