LoveWorksStill

Can you imagine a little girl, who had so much life to grow into, not being able to share those things with her mom?  The devastation of how to live life without the communication that she was used to could cause her whole world to shift.  It sounds like the grief of a child whose parent has passed away too soon.  In my life, I have had this moment on many occasions.  This particular reason could have agnonized me for the rest of my life. 

Around the age of 10, I went into my parents room to ask my mom for something, like any other child, only to find that she was resting in bed.  Anytime a child walks in the room early in the morning, most parents act as though they are asleep.  Children are unconcerned with the word or action of REST.  

It was normal for me to wake my mom up by just pressing on the water-bed. (PAUSE: Do those still exist? Sorry, was sidetracked in my thoughts. PLAY.)  She opened her eyes to see what I wanted, but she didn’t respond.  I know parents will ignore their children sometimes if the same question is asked over and over, but I was probably really hungry.  So, I asked her again.  This time, I looked around the room in order to avoid her sarcastic eye gestures!  Something was definitely off because she normally would have responded by the second time.  

All of a sudden, she grabbed my arm and pulled me in towards her.  She looked directly into my eyes and pointed at her throat.  I assumed she needed water.  Immediately, I began to turn around to get her some when she jerked me back in again.  (Did you notice my neck snap? Okay, just checking!)  Her fingers started to move as she began using American Sign Language (ASL) in hopes to tell me something.  Not sure if she forgot, but she took the ASL classes.  NOT ME!  I sat in the hallway eating all the Ruffle Potato Chips with ranch dressing.  I didn’t know what this lady was saying! (If you could see my face right now, then you would see me bending my head down, rocking my eyes from side to side in confusion over 20 years later!) 

My mom’s voice actually went out.  It wasn’t just an overnight kind of thing.  I mean, her voice was gone for like a month.  Imagine having something blocking the airway of your vocal cord and no matter how your lips moved to form a word, only wind pushed through.  She realized real quick that it was a little too late to teach me hand the gestures she was trying to express. This led her to finger spelling each word.

For context purposes, here is the back story.  I would travel to sign language classes at the hospital with my mom and brother.  This training was offered to the employees for free to better know how to meet the needs of the deaf community.  The lady who taught the class was actually deaf and the class always remained silent until it was over. My brother and I always looked forward to going because we would eat all the snacks. I can recall a time or two when we were not allowed to eat anything because we literally didn’t save anything for anyone else. My mom was SOOO embarrassed.   

Over periods of time, Mom would teach us a new word.  Usually, a mom’s first word to her children is “no” and that is exactly the word she made sure we knew.  She signed the basics like “yes”, “thank you”, and “you’re welcome”.  We also learned the alphabet. The main sign that stuck with me was “I love you!”  Whenever she would leave, I could count on her throwing her hand up and then waiting for me to match her sign before lowering it .  Sign language was fun.  It was the first secondary language I began learning, and if I had to choose between any other language, I would still choose to learn ASL. 

If you know me, then you already know that I am pretty dramatic with my facial expressions.  I can be rather goofy.  It just fits my personality naturally if it’s safe to say so myself.  It has been beneficial in 2020 and 2021 to have some time to break from the norm in America.  Staying home to be around your own family and taking care of those needs first had its rewards and challenges.  As we approached 2021, I decided to challenge myself by learning a new word in english, its definition, and how to sign it in ASL.  The creativity that has developed from a simple idea has caused me to reflect back to how I possibly would feel now if my mom was still unable to speak.  

I had a classmate whose mom was deaf, and I always wondered how she felt about talking to and interpreting for her mom as a child.  That moment for me left me feeling helpless.  Never in my life would I have wanted to only communicate with my mom in ASL full time.  She was getting frustrated because I was missing some of the words she was making, and it exacerbated that fact that she also couldn’t say it!  When her voice did finally come back, it was a great relief for all of us until it repeatedly happened  over the next few years.  

People who have decent to great use of all of their five senses may sometimes miss the point that deaf community has two senses that are affected simply because of their hearing.  Have you ever thought about how a child learns to say their letter sounds?  It starts through the ears.  In order to produce something, one must take it in through hearing.  The brain then processes the information.  In return, the individual then has to produce the words to repeat what was heard.  Ever wondered why children repeat every word you say?  They are reproducing what they heard.   Depending on the age, it may take a few minutes for the child to say it.  This has nothing to do with being stubborn, but everything to do with the way the brain processes information.

In the deaf community, if they cannot hear, how can they reproduce words through their lips?  I think you are picking up my point.  They receive information through the last three senses they have left, their eyes, their hands, and their nose.   Their eyes are now their ears and their hands are now their voice.  The deaf community has so many things that fight against them.  Many cannot hear well without hearing aids while others cannot hear at all.  When it is time to communicate, I could only imagine the insecurities they feel about people not showing them patience, grace, and courtesy.  When it is time to have children, I wonder how they know that their children are crying?   There is a lot that many non-deaf individuals take for granted and overlook.

The fear of not being able to talk to my mom began the journey of my writing.  She began writing notes to tell me what information she needed to share.  In return, I wrote her back and never deviated from it.  It has forever been in my mind that I want to tell my story so no one else has to.  Misinterpreting my thoughts could lead someone down a path that is far from the truth or reality. 

There are people out there who want to speak to you.  They may sound different or even look different.  They may communicate differently, but everyone deserves to be heard.  It may get frustrating trying to understand, but don’t allow your insecurities to stop you from giving the next person your best. 

I have a soft spot in my heart for the deaf community that is still unfolding, but I also have a passion for those who can speak but don’t have a voice. Though I still love to write, I am learning how to speak without the pen, paper, or a keyboard. Your voice matters. Check out this guy, Shaheem Sanchez, on Ellentube. Let his experience and life with being deaf give you some insight.

CLICK HERE to connect to my Instagram page where you can see The Word of the Week Monday’s!  OH, before I forget, I have connected with an ASL coach.  Through her training, I was reminded that with this language, big words mean very little if not used properly.  It is important to break things down into its simplest form.  My biggest takeaway is also the reason I created LoveWorksStill.   It is not about our words, but our actions.  If your body doesn’t agree with the words you sign or say, then things will be misinterpreted and confusion will exist.  Your voice isn’t enough!

Until next time, #loveworkswhenourwordsdont! 💚

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