LoveWorksStill

Have you ever just sat there knowing an opportunity was waiting for you, but the motivation to obtain it was so far from you?  Yeah, well, I have.  More times than not, I find myself there often in moments when I know that time is winding down. 

Here I am laying on this bench.  Breathing.  Staring at the ceiling.  Thumb nails aligned symmetrically and embedded into the grooves across the bar in the same position beginning a little over a shoulder width apart.  I am asking myself, “Jenae, how much more can you take?”  I never imagined myself going back to any gym after all the concerns that the pandemic created.  Touching others’ sweat because they failed to clean the weights or even wondering if the gym workers would be thural enough in their cleanliness.  No, I was perfectly fine with just creating my own gym space at home.  Perfectly OKAY!   But something happened!  

There was a need that arose.  Not for myself, but for my daughter in regards to her physical and emotional health.  Every summer, for the past four years,  my daughter’s swimming skills would be strengthened.  But with every winter season and new summer, it was as if she was starting over again! She has a natural gift for swimming.  And my son, I mean he needs the full body workout to exert some of his energy.  Since we do not have a pool at our home, while also being financially responsible, our family decided to join a gym.  Not just any gym, but a YMCA.  

Over the last few months, I have been in limbo.  Stuck in a place of, “I want this!” but “I need this too!”  I was overworking myself because I was trying to avoid the things that needed my attention.  You see, I recognize cycles in my life a lot better than I may have before.  My flesh was trying to win.  That was not an option.  The only thing was that…. I knew in order to mentally take control, I would have to work harder in a different way.  It was time to get uncomfortable again.  It was beyond necessary to recognize the signs of victory when defeats seemed to hallucinate the reality.  I have been preparing for this for years, but 2020 really was the part of my preparation that began the mental training.  I needed this change.  But again, I was lying there, frozen, asking myself, “Jenae, how much more can you take?”  

Many times in life, we falter our assignments because we are not mentally preparing for what is next.  We practice in the moment, but forget to strengthen those muscles in the off seasons, or in the “good times”.   But what happens when the rain shower we were well equipped for actually turned out to be a natural disaster.  Forget the bread, milk, water, toilet paper, and whatever else people run to the grocery store to find in the times of a crisis.  I am asking, are we mentally ready to pick up the weight of heaviness and move that thing?   We are left to answer that for ourselves.

The answer to this question is usually seen through the external way that we carry ourselves.  We eat the weight.  We suppress the weight which causes it to be too heavy to smile.  We ignore it like a shadow, walking around thinking everyone sees us making the best of it not knowing that the darkness is trailing us. We puff the weight by saying it exists in the moment of small talk, but find ourselves repeating it hour after hour and day after day never really allowing it to lead us towards a healthier place.  We cover it up with the name of Jesus in the sense of healing but not the sense of His heart.  What could happen if we began investigating these weights in the physical and in the mental?   What would happen if the mind and soul connected together for a greater good?  A greater you?

In a strategy meeting with a blogger and podcaster, Linette Colwell, she mentioned her tactics of picture taking and website traffic.  My gift is NOT TAKING PICTURES OF MYSELF.   Why?  It’s not because I am insecure about how I look, but I am insecure about the way I pose!  This chick is so unaware of her body posture!  In my mind, I am ready for the flash.   I scan the picture to celebrate my progress only to find that I look like a little girl who is still learning to be comfortable in her own skin.  Above all of that, what I have to offer people is not even about me.

When Linette said, “Just take the picture!”, it finally hit me!  I have spent so much of my life trying to be seen a certain way that I ultimately am not seen BECAUSE I WOULDN’T TAKE THE PICTURE. I overthought the process. Overanalyzed every piece of who I am.  It wasn’t pretty enough in my eyes.  My hair was too fluffy.  What will people think about this picture?  Why take pictures if I have to consider all of this?  LISTEN AND LEARN FROM ME.  Let these people catch you in the candid moments and just let you be you.  I was tired of people seeing the “staged” me and not liking me.  So I opted to show people the real me whether they liked it or not…hair messed up, sweaty, and all!!

That bench press bar was waiting on me to exert some energy.  It was dormant and would remain that way unless I decided that I wanted to apply some pressure to my body and make the next move.  In life, we may always feel alone in the heavy lifting or feel like one of a kind in certain scenarios.  Parts of our journeys are meant to be traveled solo.  That doesn’t mean that you are the only one carrying that load.  Just take the next step and lift.

I am on this journey to share with you some ways that may help you navigate overall health in a way that isn’t really promoted. To be exact, I was on the treadmill typing this particular blog.  It was imperative that I shared that people mention many different parts of fitness, but the part I want to uncover isn’t popular or attractive within certain mindsets and maturity levels.  I would love for you to be a part of the conversation and journey with me.  If you would like to know more about what I am doing with my upcoming book, subscribe HERE to my blog site and you will get updates directly to your email.  You may even get to hear my voice a few times before then.

One part that I didn’t tell you about me being at the gym that day was that I actually had a spotter.  My spotter took the picture.  My spotter pushed me through the last few reps.  My spotter told me I could do it even when my muscles were getting fatigued.  But the one thing that my spotter said that day was, “You better use me while I am here!”  Don’t forget those who are there for you in your times of heaviness! 

Until next time, #loveworkswhenourwordsdont! 💚

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