LoveWorksStill

Today is my son’s birthday. This same day five years ago when I had my first planned cesarean, but third time going under the knife within 3 years.  He was a sweet little cutie pie with a head full of hair.  I was sooo happy to see his little face and to see my daughter’s response when she saw him.  It was this face of “who is this and is this who you told me was in your stomach?”  It took her about 45 seconds to even touch him as a new three year old herself.  

On the first day home from the hospital, I was heavily medicated and in pain.  I decided to lay on the couch with him.  My daughter came to lay on the other side of me.  There is nothing new about me closing my eyes as soon as my head hits the pillow, but this was the worst time to knock out!  I felt my child roll out of my arm to get up. What really happened was that my son rolled right onto the hardwood floor!  His forehead had a red spot but he showed all the awareness that he naturally could at three days old.  His daddy, on the other hand, was now agitated.  He called his mama to “rat” on me and blah blah blah………  We have healed from that moment. 🙂

Anywho, from that moment, we have dealt with him being our wild, wide-open child.  He has a special ability to see beauty in the small, unimportant, trashed pieces of our world.  Even with this strong gift, I look back, from where he is now, at all of the signs of concerns that exist.  My nursing experience was PAINFUL with him.  He could not be still and nurse straight through.  He started walking at eight months old and escaped MANY TIMES out of the house, down the arched driveway, down the declined road in the opposite direction of the culdesac. An old neighbor saw me a few months ago and asked if he was still running down the street!  YES! YES HE IS!  And this has been my reality.  Constantly watching his every move has been my daily assignment.

Parenting is not easy!  Every parent has their own challenges with each child.  I celebrate the life God gave me through him.  This little boy has taught me to take time to be filled so that I can give from a place that I can pour love into him.  He has taught me how to be watchful of my words, my thoughts, and even my point of view.  All these little tiny pieces of paper on the floor to me is a MESS.  To him, it’s a river of pieces of his masterpiece.  His creativity is unlike any other child that I have met.  

A mother to one of my students made a post on his birthday about the challenges that she faces day to day with the needs of her child.  I actually intended to write this before seeing this. So this is a letter to all of the honest parents out there saying that parenting is one of the hardest jobs there is!  You don’t get time off, vacation time away, or even a chance to elude!  Plans always involve them, their well-being, and what they will need.  You will forever train these children to take your position to the next level.  Mommy, don’t give up!  Father, don’t back down.  Know you are not alone.  No social media outlet can truly display your emotions, fears, and goals for your child/ren.  

I heard Preston Perry say yesterday, “On the other side of hard is always beauty”.  I would hope to think this is true for all.  If you are willing to do the work to find out what your child needs and how you can change to help them reach it, yes, you will celebrate every small and large beautiful moment!  Nothing wonderful comes from lack of effort and time.

Even though I don’t have any specific answers for my son yet, I appreciate every cuddle, every quiet moment, every precious smile and laugh, every word he spells, every joke he makes, every flower he brings me, every song he sings, every dance he jigs, every blissful OUTDOORS (see the all caps there?) time he rejoices over, and so much more.  Ashamed of him, I am not!  Fearful of how to meet his needs, yes!  This is why I am thankful I homeschool.  This is why I am thankful for my supportive community.  Just know it is still not easy.  I have learned to give him grace.  Even as a parent, it is imminent to give it to myself as well!

Happy Birthday, son!  Your parents and sister love you!

Until next time, #loveworkswhenourwordsdont! 💚

~Jenae
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